Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4300 on: 18/05/2015 11:04:10 »
What I need is a pomegranate, its a pun I can eat.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4301 on: 18/05/2015 11:09:08 »
I shall, of course, consume it in a most gentlemanly fashion. Unfortunately this fruit tends to give me the wind. Therefore I shall probably be known as a very pun gent.


EDIT
My apologies for leaving out the odd few punctuation marks here. I have now remedied this.
« Last Edit: 18/05/2015 11:12:57 by Don_1 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4302 on: 20/05/2015 10:22:05 »
With flatulence and punctuation in mind, I think it time I was better able to control my use of the colon.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Donnah

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4303 on: 19/07/2015 02:16:20 »
Best food I've found for flatulence is Jerusalem artichoke, nicknamed Jerusalem fartichoke.  The person eating gets the first syllable and anyone within breathing distance gets the next two.
"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms." - Audrey Hepburn

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Offline ProjectSailor

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4304 on: 24/09/2015 13:43:27 »
This thread has gone a bit quiet so I will try and give it a second wind

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4305 on: 05/10/2015 17:13:00 »
This thread has gone a bit quiet so I will try and give it a second wind

The first wind was a breeze!!!





« Last Edit: 05/10/2015 17:16:57 by demografx »

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Offline Karen W.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4306 on: 09/10/2015 00:32:51 »
lol...lol....remind me to always stay down wind of you Project Sailor and Demo.....! Seems you two may be in cohtoots with one another.......,?

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline ProjectSailor

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4307 on: 09/10/2015 11:09:31 »
It is said the simplest form of humor is a pun.. and that the simplest elements are gaseous..

This leads me to the simplest elements of humor are fart puns!   

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4308 on: 27/10/2015 01:01:50 »
It is said the simplest form of humor is a pun.. and that the simplest elements are gaseous..

This leads me to the simplest elements of humor are fart puns!   

...So more of a gassy arse then.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4309 on: 27/10/2015 01:11:30 »
This thread has gone a bit quiet so I will try and give it a second wind

The first wind was a breeze!!!


[attachment=20214]




Its torn a do!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4310 on: 29/10/2015 00:13:16 »
This thread has gone a bit quiet so I will try and give it a second wind

The first wind was a breeze!!!







Is that the famous German, Herr Stylist?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4311 on: 29/10/2015 03:59:35 »

It is said the simplest form of humor is a pun.. and that the simplest elements are gaseous..

This leads me to the simplest elements of humor are fart puns!   

...So more of a gassy arse then.

¡Graci as, Don_Uno!


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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4312 on: 29/10/2015 04:14:51 »
This thread has gone a bit quiet so I will try and give it a second wind

The first wind was a breeze!!!







Is that the famous German, Herr Stylist?


There's no shortcut to being a Herr Stylist. This one tried/failed:





« Last Edit: 29/10/2015 04:22:21 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4313 on: 31/10/2015 01:00:33 »
I went to the barber for a herr cat. He was hard of hearing, so I bald at him, 'No 2, all over please.'

When Yul Brynner went to the barber, it took him a long time to twig who it was, but eventually he unlocked the truth.

After spending some time in the loo, I had to claim I had been doing a No 2, though I hadn't. The barber saw through my story and said it was a sham poo.


Oh comb comb now, those puns weren't so bad as to be brushed aside.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4314 on: 01/11/2015 05:02:53 »


Is there an instruction manual? Where do I put these medals????

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4315 on: 01/11/2015 05:23:35 »
I went to the barber for a herr cat. He was hard of hearing, so I bald at him, 'No 2, all over please.'

When Yul Brynner went to the barber, it took him a long time to twig who it was, but eventually he unlocked the truth.

After spending some time in the loo, I had to claim I had been doing a No 2, though I hadn't. The barber saw through my story and said it was a sham poo.


Oh comb comb now, those puns weren't so bad as to be brushed aside.

Don_1 Wins The 2015 Herr Stylist Award - Granted To Those Whith Medals To Prove!


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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4316 on: 01/11/2015 10:29:37 »


Don_1 Wins The 2015 Herr Stylist Award - Granted To Those Whith Medals To Prove!




Sorry Demo, old chap, but I felt it my duty to branch out and correct your post. I can’t help but do it, it seems to run in the family.
Just call me Herr edit tree if you will.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4317 on: 01/11/2015 10:52:28 »


Is there an instruction manual? Where do I put these medals????

Continuing the current German trend, I would say you should put it on the trough, so it would be Von Ribbon Trough
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4318 on: 01/11/2015 10:55:51 »
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4319 on: 03/11/2015 19:52:33 »


Is there an instruction manual? Where do I put these medals????

Continuing the current German trend, I would say you should put it on the trough, so it would be Von Ribbon Trough

I don't see this line of reasoning Göring anywhere! Nein! Schluss!


« Last Edit: 03/11/2015 20:01:03 by demografx »

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« Last Edit: 03/11/2015 19:59:36 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4321 on: 04/11/2015 08:54:41 »


Is there an instruction manual? Where do I put these medals????

Continuing the current German trend, I would say you should put it on the trough, so it would be Von Ribbon Trough

I don't see this line of reasoning Göring anywhere! Nein! Schluss!




At a party banquet, Mrs Göring made some derogatory comments about silly moustaches, (I’ll speer you the details), but all agreed it was rude of hess wife to be so outspoken.
« Last Edit: 04/11/2015 09:26:57 by Don_1 »
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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4322 on: 04/11/2015 09:24:49 »
Albert Speer was a keen board game player and amateur horticulturalist. Near The Eagle’s Nest he laid a beautiful chequerboard lawn and pot grew red leaf and green leaf box plants which he fashioned into topiary castles, knights, bishops, queens, kings and pawns. Many were invited to play in what became known as the Albert chess garden.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4323 on: 04/11/2015 09:32:35 »
Albert Speer was a keen board game player and amateur horticulturalist. Near The Eagle’s Nest he laid a beautiful chequerboard lawn and pot grew red leaf and green leaf box plants which he fashioned into topiary castles, knights, bishops, queens, kings and pawns. Many were invited to play in what became known as the Albert chess garden.

Wasn't that just t' pitz!?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4324 on: 04/11/2015 20:53:41 »
Albert Speer was a keen board game player and amateur horticulturalist. Near The Eagle’s Nest he laid a beautiful chequerboard lawn and pot grew red leaf and green leaf box plants which he fashioned into topiary castles, knights, bishops, queens, kings and pawns. Many were invited to play in what became known as the Albert chess garden.

Beautiful garden, but one had to drive mheils and mheils of dusty, dirty back roads sieget there!

Ach!

Garden über alles!!


« Last Edit: 04/11/2015 20:58:47 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4325 on: 04/11/2015 22:08:55 »
My new friend business acquaintance from The Third Reich...errr....I mean Germany just might be a stutterer.

He's constantly writing me sentences that have
in them.


« Last Edit: 05/11/2015 02:53:19 by demografx »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4326 on: 04/11/2015 23:04:01 »
My new friend from The Third Reich...errr....I mean Germany just might be a stutterer.

He's constantly writing me sentences that have
in them.

S, s, I have seen them. Unfortunately he is suffering with a small bladder complaint at the moment. As you can guess t' po under his bed is essential.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4327 on: 04/11/2015 23:17:51 »
Don't you mean "substantial"?

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4328 on: 04/11/2015 23:27:28 »
Before I act rashly, I am reminded when confronting a tough dilemma, "I should first Müller this over, sleep on it -- before reichacting foolishly."


« Last Edit: 05/11/2015 02:03:33 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4329 on: 05/11/2015 02:09:04 »

My new friend business acquaintance from The Third Reich...


Above edit to Reply #4325 --- top of page



« Last Edit: 05/11/2015 02:51:42 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4330 on: 05/11/2015 03:06:58 »
I went to the barber for a herr cat. He was hard of hearing, so I bald at him, 'No 2, all over please.'

When Yul Brynner went to the barber, it took him a long time to twig who it was, but eventually he unlocked the truth.

After spending some time in the loo, I had to claim I had been doing a No 2, though I hadn't. The barber saw through my story and said it was a sham poo.


Oh comb comb now, those puns weren't so bad as to be brushed aside.

Don_1 yet again wins an Award for puns that comb not be beat!



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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4331 on: 05/11/2015 09:20:57 »
Last time I went to the barber, I asked him if he could do something different with my hair. He gave me a No. 2 all over (as usual) swept up the cuttings from the floor and threw them out of the window. I gave him a puzzled look. He said, "Usually I would throw it in the bin, but you wanted me to do something different with it so...."

Perhaps that'll teach me to be a little more concise.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4332 on: 05/11/2015 09:31:21 »
It was a clear, cloudless winter's day in London town, yet people in the street were getting wet. The Vicar dashed into the office block and up the stairs onto the roof. There he found one of his parishioners relieving himself over the parapet.
"What are you doing?" he screamed.
"I am doing exactly as you said." Replied the man.
"No, no," said the Vicar, "what I said was peace on all men."
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4333 on: 19/11/2015 12:19:44 »
November 19th.

Today is National Blow Bagpipes Day Coincidentally it is also National Have a Bad Day Day.

What’s more today is also Nouveau Beaujolais Day and World Toilet Day, another coincidence???
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4334 on: 19/11/2015 12:35:03 »
It was the Scottish Indoor Tennis Championships.

In the bar a bowl of peanuts was accidentally knocked on to the floor.
“Guve me the Hoover, Jock, I’ll clean that oop.” Said a barman.
“Och, I’m afraid the Hoover is broken Jimmy.” Replied the head barman.
“Oh dear ohh dear. If we’ve got no vac Jock, I’ll fetch the dustpan & brush then.
“Och, that’s andy, murry-up then afore they get trodden into the carpet.”
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4335 on: 20/11/2015 01:01:58 »

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4336 on: 23/11/2015 00:46:03 »
Perhaps that'll teach him not to pick hard on the toilet roll in future.
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4337 on: 24/11/2015 00:58:44 »
Did you spock the pun in my last post?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Karen W.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4338 on: 24/11/2015 15:18:05 »
Indeed I did, but I would have preferred, to have seen him, kick it to the kirk, rather then the drain....!

"Life is not measured by the number of Breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4339 on: 25/11/2015 00:38:43 »
Its tissue Jim, but not as we know it.

Now what do I do about the Klingons?

I blame the height of the pan, its just su lu.

If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4340 on: 25/11/2015 00:41:49 »


Are you finished in there yet???

u huru up will you PLEEEEZE
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4341 on: 25/11/2015 23:13:42 »


From The Independent (UK):

"Thanksgiving is the latest US tradition to take root in the UK, as one in six of us celebrate 'Brits-giving'

Thanksgiving has no place in British tradition. But, never ones to pass up an excuse for a feast, more of us are gobbling turkey and pumpkin pie..."



« Last Edit: 26/11/2015 00:04:34 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4342 on: 25/11/2015 23:56:18 »


Are you finished in there yet???

u huru up will you PLEEEEZE

I *am*




ing!

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4343 on: 27/11/2015 12:03:26 »
"Thanksgiving has no place in British tradition. "

So sayeth The Independent.

Not so, Independent. In the USA 'Thanksgiving' is celebrated on the 4th Thursday of November and in Canada on the on the 2nd Monday of October. In Britain, where it is known as 'Harvest Festival', it has been celebrated since pagan times on the occurrence of the Harvest Moon (the nearest full moon to the autumn equinox (22 or 23 September).
This celebration of the harvest is common to many countries and falls in line with their harvest time.
Saxon's, settled in Britain from around AD 43. The Anglo-Saxon farmers would offer the first sheaf of corn to the god of fertility to ensure a good crop the following year. The last sheaf (believed to contain the Spirit of the corn) was cut along with the ritual sacrifice of an animal (usually a hare) and the straw made into an effigy of the animal. This eventually gave rise to the Corn Dolly.

"Thanksgiving is the latest US tradition to take root in the UK, as one in six of us celebrate 'Brits-giving'

Hmmm, Methinks you're about 2000 yrs out and should be looking across the channel to Germany, not the Atlantic to 'The New World'.


So to keep in line with this thread's subject....


".....more of us are gobbling turkey and pumpkin pie..."


I would rather a slice of punkin pie, if you don't mind.



If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4344 on: 27/11/2015 12:11:02 »


Are you finished in there yet???

u huru up will you PLEEEEZE

I *am*




ing!

Well, three cheers for that!

Hip hip hurry, hip hip hurry, hip hip.... too late!
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4345 on: 28/11/2015 05:59:48 »
"Thanksgiving has no place in British tradition. "

So sayeth The Independent.

Not so, Independent. In the USA 'Thanksgiving' is celebrated on the 4th Thursday of November and in Canada on the on the 2nd Monday of October. In Britain, where it is known as 'Harvest Festival', it has been celebrated since pagan times on the occurrence of the Harvest Moon (the nearest full moon to the autumn equinox (22 or 23 September).
This celebration of the harvest is common to many countries and falls in line with their harvest time.
Saxon's, settled in Britain from around AD 43. The Anglo-Saxon farmers would offer the first sheaf of corn to the god of fertility to ensure a good crop the following year. The last sheaf (believed to contain the Spirit of the corn) was cut along with the ritual sacrifice of an animal (usually a hare) and the straw made into an effigy of the animal. This eventually gave rise to the Corn Dolly.

"Thanksgiving is the latest US tradition to take root in the UK, as one in six of us celebrate 'Brits-giving'

Hmmm, Methinks you're about 2000 yrs out and should be looking across the channel to Germany, not the Atlantic to 'The New World'.


So to keep in line with this thread's subject....


".....more of us are gobbling turkey and pumpkin pie..."


I would rather a slice of punkin pie, if you don't mind.





I stand cornected !



« Last Edit: 28/11/2015 06:27:54 by demografx »

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4346 on: 28/11/2015 06:17:10 »


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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4347 on: 30/11/2015 13:26:26 »
The ater of cold meats.

Pardon my bad grammar** that should be 'eater'.


** That's Grammar in the bottom right hand of the picture, or is it Grandpa?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline Don_1

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4348 on: 30/11/2015 13:30:29 »


I stand cornected !





corn u copia with all these corrections?
If brains were made of dynamite, I wouldn't have enough to blow my nose.

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Offline demografx

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Re: Punning is hard(ly) work! Is groaning aloud here?
« Reply #4349 on: 30/11/2015 22:59:12 »


I stand cornected !





corn u copia with all these corrections?

How do I cope with change?

I put it in the parking meter.