[demografx (OP)]

"In that case" I wispaed "show us your snickers!" She laughed and said "You cad, bury that idea."

 []  []  []

[demografx (OP)]

Starting today (July 29 - 31)

World Lumberjack Championships!
http://www.lumberjackworldchampionships.com/


'Not only was I stumped,' said the lumberjack, 'but I was barking up the wrong tree.'

[Don_1]

Treemendous!!!

I'll get my chopper out and make a few puns.

What? What did I say wrong???

Just leaf me alone, I'm doing no harm.

Right, now, let's start branching out here. I don't want to sap all my energy on this or I'll be in lumber with the splinter group. Poplar though they may be, I was stuck with them before up the creek without a paddle. We were rowan with our hands to get back to the beech. One of them told a corny joke, so I said, in a Welsh accent 'Willow you pack that in boyo!" He didn't, so I beat him to a pulp. He began to look quite ashen and started pineing for rest. I think he finally twiged it; I was not ammused.

Where would be the best place to learn the art of the lumberjack? The sawbonne!?

[demografx (OP)]

Woodn't you know it? Don saw the choppertunity and grabbed it.

He axed no questions, just got on with it.

I bet he's logged many miles to bring punning to a sharpened science!

But doesn't Don know that making fun of a tree is a knock on wood

[demografx (OP)]

Where would be the best place to learn the art of the lumberjack? The sawbonne!?

Yes. But the University of California, Barkeley is also good.

[Don_1]

But doesn't Don know that making fun of a tree is a knock on wood

I can assure yew, I did not take the matter treevially. Sitting on my laurels while there are puns to be punned, as pened here, has never been my intention, but I do so with no malus nor with the intent to conker. I vyleaf it is my duty to do so and as such I arose to the occasion.

[demografx (OP)]

I know you're not green at this, nature has given you much less bark and far more bite.

I feel sappy thinking how you finally awoak to the responsibility to future punners, that is, to sow the seeds of little puns so they can flower and mushroom into much bigger ones.

Remember, even the largest redwood was at one time only a punny little sapling!

[demografx (OP)]

August 1 through August 5 is

National Psychic Week
http://www.psychicsource.com/blog/index.php/3566/featured-psychic/when-is-national-psychic-week-this-year-its-august-1-5/

Now why didn't Don predict that National Psychic Week would start today??

[horizon]

August 1 through August 5 is

National Psychic Week
http://www.psychicsource.com/blog/index.php/3566/featured-psychic/when-is-national-psychic-week-this-year-its-august-1-5/

Now why didn't Don predict that National Psychic Week would start today??

Out of all the Psychic events, I dont know witch one to go to, Ive heard this one is not very big, its medium sized.

[Don_1]

I thought it had been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. It seems not though, I suppose it was on the cards.

Let's hope nothing gets stolen at the conference, I just hate nasty little tea leaves, don't you?

Last year there were complaints about the lack of air conditioning at the event. Attendees were heard to complain to the organisers. One said "Bloody phew! t' your air con, its too damn hot in here." His side kick echoed him. But there were few chairs left empty when the event started. During the morning break, medium roast coffee was served. One delegate threw his coffee on the ground in disgust. Another delegate asked "What did you do that for? tell me." Another asked for his beverage to be stirred, the waiter said "Go stir it yourself."

At lunch, a delegate with a cleft lip enquired as to the 'sooth oph the day'. He remarked it was a shame in this day and age that you cannot always tell witch flavour your food is. "Warlocks", Said the chef, who also had a hair lip. Wine was served with the main course. A dinner remarked on the plastic vessel the wine was served in, saying, "I would have expected, considering the price we have paid, the wine to be served in crystal." "Balls! said a rude waiter, "As trolls, oh gee you don't deserve crystal."

Many stars attended the conference. To their horror, scope of the conference was limited due to time constraints.

A satelite event was held just down the road in the 7th house on the left, but there seemed to be little spirit there, despite the main event being relayed to a plasma screen.

Organiser, Sue F Sayer said she can't remember how she coped with the organisation pre dictaphones, let alone laptops.

[demografx (OP)]

I thought [National Psychic Week] had been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. It seems not though, I suppose it was on the cards.

Let's hope nothing gets stolen at the conference, I just hate nasty little tea leaves, don't you?

Last year there were complaints about the lack of air conditioning at the event. Attendees were heard to complain to the organisers. One said "Bloody phew! t' your air con, its too damn hot in here." His side kick echoed him. But there were few chairs left empty when the event started. During the morning break, medium roast coffee was served. One delegate threw his coffee on the ground in disgust. Another delegate asked "What did you do that for? tell me." Another asked for his beverage to be stirred, the waiter said "Go stir it yourself."

At lunch, a delegate with a cleft lip enquired as to the 'sooth oph the day'. He remarked it was a shame in this day and age that you cannot always tell witch flavour your food is. "Warlocks", Said the chef, who also had a hair lip. Wine was served with the main course. A dinner remarked on the plastic vessel the wine was served in, saying, "I would have expected, considering the price we have paid, the wine to be served in crystal." "Balls! said a rude waiter, "As trolls, oh gee you don't deserve crystal."

Many stars attended the conference. To their horror, scope of the conference was limited due to time constraints.

A satelite event was held just down the road in the 7th house on the left, but there seemed to be little spirit there, despite the main event being relayed to a plasma screen.

Organiser, Sue F Sayer said she can't remember how she coped with the organisation pre dictaphones, let alone laptops.

How does one even begin to respond to such a mesmerizing post?

Don's talents seem to go....well....One Step Beyond!

One would surmise that he does his best creepy thinking and writing in The Twilight Zone, and not on Ken Kesey's Magic Bus which is more likely the case.

What I really don't understand is why he doesn't make his livelihood trading in commodities/futures, where he would certainly fare spooktacularly.

I wonder if The Water Tower Fame Award went to his head? He has become increasingly prophetic since then. A concussion? Or perhaps just a romantic brush with the notion of becoming a Weather Forecaster?

Nah, he doesn't have a ghost of a chance. His resume is filled with mysterious disappearances. Dry spells also bother him, so  his insistence on predicting "rain only" limits his career chances.

But I have faith in Don, ever seance I saw him start his syndicated Radio Show, "Ask The Healer", on The WOOO Radio Network.

I have tried to slyly "borrow" money from him before, but he always seems to know exactly what I want, in advance, and why. Spookily, even before _I_ know it!

[demografx (OP)]

Today, August 3, 2011, is:
National Watermelon Day
http://parkseedjournal.com/2008/08/national-waterm.html

" Watermelons doing here? I told you I wanted oranges! "

Seedy posters wanted to follow this up!

[Don_1]

Ah! Watermelon Day, now this appeels to me, despite the last pithy post. I shall approach the subject with my usual zest and try not to be too segmented. I should not want the fruits of my labour to be spoilt on this auspicious date. Though I must conseed this time it will be challenging. But I shall enlist the assistance of Baby Spice, with Mel on my side it might be easier, though I don't want that Kournikova girl, so I shall get a moderator to ban Anna. She is a bit tasty though, the apple of her fathers eye and she's got a nice pear.

Now, to prepair my speach. I must get a move on, I have to get a bed for my soon to come Grandchild. It will be needed once he/she has grown out of the cot. Something, as the French would say, 'Apres cot'.

Its no good, I can't figure out what to say. I am grapeling in the dark here, I just don't know what to plump for. Oh man, di are in tricky straits here and that's the truth, would I lie; me?

I can usually do this sort of thing with a passion, but its all turned rather ugly this time. There'll be no star for me!

I'm off, cherryo!

[demografx (OP)]

There goes Don again, basketing in the limelight from the fruits of his labors!

You'll never see a band of teenagers cruising past Don's house and pelting it with rotten plums.  (Police describe that as a drive-by fruiting.)

And did you hear about the time Don put an orange in his boxing glove so he could have a fruit punch?

But Don has a sensible plan in life: he will grow fruit trees and live to a ripe old age!

[demografx (OP)]

Tomorrow, August 5, 2011 is
International Beer Day
http://www.internationalbeerday.com/

So let's get ready! Hop to it! Start brewing trouble and enjoy!

[demografx (OP)]

I shall get a moderator to ban Anna. She is a bit tasty though, the apple of her fathers eye and she's got a nice pear.

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[demografx (OP)]

Today, August 13, is
International Left-Handers' Day
http://www.lefthandersday.com/about.html

Celebrate your right to be left-handed!

[SeanB]

Well, i Left it to the last moment to know it was this special celebration for us Lefties, who are the only right thinking people around.

[demografx (OP)]

Sean, you're right!!

[Don_1]

Tomorrow, August 5, 2011 is
International Beer Day
http://www.internationalbeerday.com/

So let's get ready! Hop to it! Start brewing trouble and enjoy!

Curses! I missed out on that one.  Coors, I’m sure I could have brewed up a cocktail of puns in the spirit of this occasion, bud. Wiser in the art of punning than the average man, I may not be, still, ah, art were my way to punification.
Yeast sir, I would have hopped to it. Some may have been light while some larger, none bitter, I hope, but a pale full could have been forthcoming. I could have been the oast with the most.