[demografx (OP)]

I think chancellor George Osborne also said, "Oil brook no opposition"

[Don_1]

The 'Skull & Crossbones' flew menacingly from the middle mast of the approaching galleon.


"Avast me hearties", said the captain.
"A vast what?" retorted the 1st mate.
"They be after our cargo of ferrous metal." The Captain declared.
The crew looked on in horror and Botswain Higgs said, "You mean, they be Iron Pyrites?"
Ooo arrr.

[damocles]

This one really happened:
There had been a few scandals involving ministers of one of our State Governments. The then premier went to one of his regular press conferences. After a few questions on more innocuous topics had been dealt with, a young reporter opened with
--"Mr Premier, you must be aware of allegations that have been made against ..."
He was interrupted with
--"Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?"

[Don_1]

--"Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?"

I could see that one caiman a mile off.

[Don_1]

This one really happened:
There had been a few scandals involving ministers of one of our State Governments. The then premier went to one of his regular press conferences. After a few questions on more innocuous topics had been dealt with, a young reporter opened with
--"Mr Premier, you must be aware of allegations that have been made against ..."
He was interrupted with
--"Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?"

Did he go on to say 'I accept I am partly responsible, but I'm not going to gharial the blame.'

Were there crocodile tears in his eyes?

Did he say to the waitress "Give me a crocodile sandwich, and make it snappy." Did she serve the sandwich on nice clean crockery?

[demografx (OP)]

Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?

Were there crocodile tears in his eyes?

[demografx (OP)]

Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?

I could see that one caiman a mile off.

A mile off Cuba?
     click ^ above

[Don_1]

Cuban crocodile

I see garments being torn by this creature if the washing is left out. That's your root problem here. Have Anna bring it in to keep it safe.


That's another pun gone up in smoke. Ah well! You win ston, you loose some.

[demografx (OP)]

That's another pun gone up in smoke. Ah well! You win ston, you lose some.

Don_1, you can't fool me. Cigars in a washroom are all smoke and mirrors.

[Don_1]

Don_1, you can't fool me. Cigars are all smoke .......

Sounds like ce gar needs a service if its exhaust is all smoke.

[Don_1]

Don_1, you can't fool me. Cigars in a washroom are all smoke and mirrors.

There wash room in the washroom until some fools started going in there to stick their cigars up their nasal passages. This resulted in the management putting up a huge sign with the legend 'Nose Moking', which got in everyones' way. I complained, saying "Ash a nuisance." But the boss, a Spaniard, said "Ash tres necessario."

(And reverting to the crocodilian puns...)

He went on to say "Itsa Hokay para usted, you don'ta hava to ghary all the ash anda the buttsa out ata the end ofa the day, so itsa cleana para la mañana."

"Mañana?" I questioned, "I think you'll find they are smoking ordinary cigars, nothing remotely 'herbal'".

Which reminds me of the time I nearly got into trouble with drug squad. All I said to the girl was "I want to marry you Anna."

[Don_1]

Walter Raleigh brought cigars to England. Queen Elizabeth declared they were too big after, not realising they should be smoked, had eaten one. So they were made smaller and the cigar eat was born.

[demografx (OP)]

Which reminds me of the time I nearly got into trouble with drug squad.

All I said to the girl was "I want to marry you Anna."

It was even more dangerous for you than you think.

The drug squad was suspicious because Anna is a woman of such distinguished courage and ability, and she's widely admired and emulated for her brave deeds and noble qualities.

In short, a heroine!

Good thing the marriage was annulled.

[demografx (OP)]

Don_1, you can't fool me. Cigars are all smoke .......

Sounds like ce gar needs a service if its exhaust is all smoke.

Ce gas/petrol is all it needs.

So now I must find some celf service petrol/gas.

Ce gap is only good for hip jeans.

[Don_1]

It was even more dangerous for you than you think.

The drug squad was suspicious because Anna is a woman of such distinguished courage and ability, and she's widely admired and emulated for her brave deeds and noble qualities.

In short, a heroine!

Oh L, S D last thing I expected.

I am fetter mineself to the ball and chain.

[demografx (OP)]

[demografx (OP)]

April is:
International Guitar Month
http://www.guitarsite.com/newsletters/000327/9.shtml

I'm not bragging, but soon after I join any band as a guitarist, I am instrumental.

[Donnah]

This one really happened:
There had been a few scandals involving ministers of one of our State Governments. The then premier went to one of his regular press conferences. After a few questions on more innocuous topics had been dealt with, a young reporter opened with
--"Mr Premier, you must be aware of allegations that have been made against ..."
He was interrupted with
--"Allegations? What allegations? Who are these allegators?"

That's quite a tail.  The reporter must have been looking for a snappy story she could sink her teeth into.

[demografx (OP)]

The reporter must have been looking for a snappy story she could sink her teeth into.

Yes. Just like this reporter!

[demografx (OP)]

There wash room in the washroom until some fools started going in there to stick their cigars up their nasal passages. This resulted in the management putting up a huge sign with the legend 'Nose Moking', which got in everyones' way. I complained, saying "Ash a nuisance." But the boss, a Spaniard, said "Ash tres necessario."

"NOSE MOKING"!!!!!!

     

Don_1's poignant post is soooooooooo deserving of the INTERNATIONAL WRCNA! (Wash Room Cigar Nose Ashtray) Award Of 2012!

Congratulations, Don!
Demografx
Sr. WRCNA AwardFinder
Dated this 1st Day of April, Year 2012
(no fooling!)