[chris (OP)]

I've decided to start a spam gallery where we can all post examples of the tripe that we receive. This will serve two purposes:

1) it will enable us to laugh at the poor grasp of grammar and barely believable stories they tell.

2) it will educate everyone about the rubbish that's out there.

So, here's how it works - you post the original piece of spam STERILISED OF WHATVER IT WAS PUSHING and then your reply OR, if you didn't reply, what you'd like the say to the sender. Let's see who can do the funniest spam retort.

[chris (OP)]

Here's my starter for ten:

Original unsolicited email from spammer "Mariel" - who loves spam - at mariel@swanwicksleep.com

Hi The Naked,

I came across your podcast recently and you’ve really got a great angle. I think your content is really cool. My name is Mariel and I work for SPAMwick Sleep, a blue light blocking glasses company that was founded by brothers James and Tristan SPAMwick.

I’ve been hunting for podcasts with great content and hosts for our co-founder and Chief Evangelist, James SPAMwick to guest appear on.

I think James’ stories and expertise would work well with your audience. He has a vast amount of experience in business and health and would be able to share his expertise. He’s outgoing full of energy, so he has a way of capturing audiences through the way that he presents. (It could be his time as an ESPN anchor that helps this!)

If you truly want an easy guest who the audience loves - James is your guy. As one of Forbes’ 25 Professional Networking Experts to Watch, he’s super high value.

For a Health or Business angle, where would James fit best on your production schedule?

Let me know and we’ll make it happen! Thanks!

Mariel


My reply:

Hi "The Mariel"

<INSERT SPAMMY CANNED PUFF TEXT HERE TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE WE DIDN'T GET A BOT TO DO THIS>

<NOW INSERT BIT ABOUT WHATEVER WE'RE TRYING TO PUSH HERE>

<INSERT PHONY CLAIM ABOUT RANDOM TALENT WE'RE PUSHING WORKING WELL FOR AN AUDIENCE WE'VE NEVER ACTUALLY RESEARCHED>

<SIGN OFF AND HOPE THAT SOME IDIOT WILL FALL FOR IT>

So, "The Mariel", are we on the right lines? Surely the fact that you cannot even get our name right speaks volumes?

Don't worry, we'll publish your spam (minus the message) to make sure that other people are aware of your dodgy operation.

Meanwhile, are you familiar with the GDPR regulations on unsolicited spam?

Kind regards,

"The Naked"

[Petrochemicals]

Im quite tempted to respond to them actually chris, it seems quite plausable until you explain what happened. See if they would like to buy some advertising space ?

 Edit

And last time a spam thread I saw got started , spammers obviously thought it the place for them, and took the website up on there offer !

[chris (OP)]

I object to the "pseudo-personal", faux-friendly content of the email that is written to look deceptively like a tailor made approach but is basically just spam intended to deceive.

[chris (OP)]

Here's today's catch of juicy forum spam.

These idiots have put all this lovely key-phrase rich tripe all over the forum. Sadly for them, I've locked their user and now I'm going to past this lovely juicy test here for search engines to see, minus all the links to their site.

Oh dear, now they'll have to work even harder to compete with themselves won't they...

 cards,drivers license,green cards,recidents permits,ielts,etc of real database registered documents, where we record all the client's information in the supposed database system, and everything will be completely genuine, and the client can legally use the document without any problems.
Here's our WHATSCRAP details.....

This real documents will pass all airport scans and other data reading machinery or systems. Whenever this actual document is verified, all the client's information will show up in the supposed database system and everything will be genuine.

For instance, if you want us to produce you a diplomatic Passport, we shall register all your Biometric information in the official database system under the government recognition. So this real Passport will pass all airport scans and checks, and you would be able to use the document legally without any problems.

Here's our WHATSCRAP details again, in case you're as moronic as we are and need things saying twice

All the documents we provide are legally registered in the database of the local legislation for which that particular document is intended. In other words, all documents we produce are as valid and authentic as it gets.

We operate a vast network of fiduciary professional with full legal judiciary accreditations, through which we register all the necessary information for database validation, depending on the local and international authorities for which your document is intended. If we can't register and have your documents validated for your country or area of jurisdiction, we will let you know.

So definite rest assured all the documents we provide you are entirely legitimate.

To get the addional information visit our  website:

SPAMMY EMAIL ADDRESSES REMOVED

Apply for real register, Visa, Driving License, ID card, marriage certificates, diplomas etc. for sell. Passport, citizenship, ID cards, driver license, diplomas, degrees, certificates service available. Tourist and business visa services available to residents of all 50 states and all nationalities Worldwide. We are unique producers of Authentic High Quality passports, Real Genuine Data Base Registered and unregistered Citizenship documents. We can guarantee you a new Identity starting from a clean new genuine Birth Certificate, ID card, Driver’s License, Social security card with SSN, credit files, and credit cards, school diplomas, school degrees all in an entirely new name issued and registered in the government database system. We use high quality equipment and materials to produce authentic and counterfeit documents.All secret features of real passports are carefully duplicated for our Registered and unregistered documents. We are unique producer of quality false and Real documents. We offer only original high-quality Registered and unregistered passports,drivers licenses,ID cards,stamps,Visa, School Diplomas and other products for a number of countries like:USA,Australia, Belgium,Brazil,Canada,Italian,Finland,France,Germany,Israel,Mexico, Netherlands,South Africa,Spain,United Kingdom, etc.

All types of documents we offer:

• PASSPORTS
• ID card
• Social security card
• Drivers Licenses
• Canada Cards
• United States Cards
• Student Cards
• International Cards
• Private Cards
• Adoption Certificates
• Baptism Certificates
• Birth Certificates
• Birth Certificates
• Divorce Certificates
• Marriage Certificates
• Custom Certificates
• High School Diplomas
• G.E.D. Diplomas
• Home School Diplomas
• College Degrees
• University Degrees
• Trade Skill Certificates
• Validate SSN Number
• US green cards
• Counterfeit dollars/euro

[Petrochemicals]

I had a message in my inbox

1click = 0.003 eth, 100clicks = 0.3 eth, 1000clicks = 3eth in search you!
« Sent to: Petrochemicals on: Today at 05:28:31 »
uTradeCoin.com
 
Why do you give free money?
 
In fact we don't give money for free. We need a fee to keep this service available and to pay you. We make money from advertisements on this website. Our income depends on how many people you can invite from your ID URL. We divide half of our income to pay you. This is fair, no one is harmed. This helps us not to cheat you or become a scam.
 
How does it work?
 
When you visit this site, our system will create a special URL ID for you with your browser cookie. This URL ID  only applies to the browser that you are currently using. You can use this URL ID to invite other people to visit this site, for everyone who visits through your URL ID you will receive a sum of money that you can withdraw through ETH.
 
How much income do I get?
 
Nobody knows for sure about this. This depends on how many visitors on your URL ID. We paid ETH 0.003 for 100 visitors. If in a day you can bring 1000 visitors then you will be paid 3ETH.
 
When will I get paid?
 
You will receive payment after your balance reaches a minimum of ETH 0.35. Payment can only be requested via a ETH address. Make sure that you have a valid ETH address.
 
Do I need to register?
 
You don't like to register and we don't want your data. So when you make a withdrawal, we only need your ETH information.
 
What happens if I use a proxy or a bot?
 
Our system always detects any abnormal activity in your ID URL traffic. If we find cheating, we will delete your URL ID including your balance.
 
What happens if I clean my browser cookie?
 
Be careful. If you clean your browser's cookies, then we will reset your URL ID. And this means you will lose your previous URL ID including the balance in it.
 
I need further information, how to contact you?
 
You can contact us via the Contact page. We always respond to every question from our users in less than 24 hours
SPAMMY-URL-WAS-ERE

[chris (OP)]

Liking it - let's keep em coming!

[jimbobghost]

I agree.

can you set up a phony account, and reply to them?

keep us informed, and perhaps we can all contribute enough to keep them busy?

maybe set up a bogus bank account with a few bucks they can attempt to access; and perhaps track their access attempts?